Slow Down! What's the Russia?

Hello dear, kind reader! Thank you for taking time to stop by to see if my five minute creative writing workout produces something that will elevate the level of joy you might, or might not, be feeling today. Whatever the mood you find yourself in, I assure you it will get better if you take a few minutes (along with some deep, cleansing breathes) and remind yourself that there is always someone in the world whose life sucks way more than yours does. I was reminded of this during my recent transcendental trip to Siberia.

I posted Vlad's picture to (with his permission of course) remind myself of how fortunate I am to live in a 900 sq. ft, riverfront apartment, and get to watch the huge bridge construction project that is underway just yards from my front door. I also wanted to post his picture to prove that transcendental travel is possible, regardless of what the naysayers say.

So before you start whining about whatever it is that has you in a funk, think of Vlad and his cardboard condo. You might also find inspiration in the words Vlad shared just before I snapped his photo: "The only difference between champ and chump is 'U'."

Have a great weekend and as always,

Funk, out!

Every Picture Tells a Story, Don't it?

In the interest of time, efficiency, and your preference to see an occasional image posted to my blog, I am foregoing my five minutes of writing today so that you, my dear and literate reader, can write your own comment (if you choose) about the image that was taken this morning, April 27, 2010.

Yeah, Vermont is a great place to live. Especially if you like winter for at least six months out of every year. The upside is that I'm sure there are a good number of people that are going to bust out the ski's today and funk things up just enough to spread a little more joy in the world and that, my friends, I can absolutely let myself be okay with.

Funk, out!

Meeting Shmeeting

Good, glorious morning to you, my kind and literate friends! I'm sure that you are anxious, as am I, to finish the tasks that we must complete before dismissing ourselves for home to celebrate Fryday's arrival. It's been a long week for some of us, and based on the number of meetings I've been required to attend this week, am amazed that I was able to accomplish as much as I did. My busy-ness prevented me from blogging yesterday and I'm feeling bad about that so today, I'll blog for ten to compensate.

What the funk was I doing, you ask? I was meeting and in fact, met multiple times this week. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely see the benefit of the weekly two hour meeting to give an oral report on the work you've been doing and the work that may not get done as a result of losing two hours of productivity for the sake of team building and interpersonal communication. At a time when we are being asked by our employers to do more with less, the time deduction factor of the weekly meeting gives the phrase "doing more with less" new meaning for me. I'm doing more with less because the mandatory meeting is taking the time I need more of to get the work done.

My beef that will later be fried today in swine lard?

I recently participated in a two hour meeting (in addition to the two hour weekly meeting) thinking that the session would result in a concrete, actionable proposal so that the need for a follow up meeting would be eliminated. I could scarcely contain my joy as I began thinking about all of the work I could accomplish! So, dear reader, you can imagine my reaction when I learned that another meeting has been requested so that we can review, again, everything that we accomplished in the previous meeting but this time, a four hour time allotment would be preferred. Are you funking kidding me?

I'm going to submit my presence at this next meeting by proxy so that I might preserve more time to spread a little more joy in the world while doing less of the work I so love doing. Does anyone second the motion? Meeting adjourned.

Have a cheerful weekend!

Funk, out.

Happy Earth Day! $452 million in Recovery Act funding to go toward energy-efficient building retrofits

Good day, my literate friends and fellow Earthlings. In celebration of today, Earth Day, The White House is gearing up for five days of events to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Earth Day, and boy, what a big kick-off! Vice President Joe Biden announced today a plan to invest $452 million in Recovery Act funding to go toward energy-efficient building retrofits in 25 communities.

According to Joe, this year, because of the historic clean energy investments in the Recovery Act, the U.S.A is poised to make greater strides than ever in building a nationwide clean energy economy, "This investment in some of the most innovative energy-efficiency projects across the country will not only help homeowners and businesses make cost-cutting retrofit improvements, but also create jobs right here in America." The proposed projects are expected to gain nearly $3 billion from other sources over the next three years and will, supposedly, go toward retrofitting hundreds of thousands more homes and business in the U.S.

You can imagine my dismay to see that Vermont, my current state of residency, is not on the docket for any retrofitting projects, especially since my experience with long winters in the Northeast makes my hair grow just thinking about it. Here's a list of the cities that will be getting funds for retrofitting, with the final dollar amount subject to negotiation:


Austin, Texas - $10 million
Boulder County, Colorado - $25 million
Camden, New Jersey - $5 million
Chicago Metropolitan Agency for Planning - $25 million
Greater Cincinnati Energy Alliance, Ohio - $17 million
Greensboro, North Carolina - $5 million
Indianapolis, Indiana - $10 million
Kansas City, Missouri - $20 million
Los Angeles County, California - $30 million
Lowell, Massachusetts - $5 million
State of Maine - $30 million
State of Maryland - $20 million
State of Michigan - $30 million
State of Missouri - $5 million
Omaha, Nebraska - $10 million
State of New Hampshire - $10 million
New York State Research and Development Authority - $40 million
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - $25 million
Phoenix, Arizona - $25 million
Portland, Oregon - $20 million
San Antonio, Texas - $10 million
Seattle, Washington - $20 million
Southeast Energy Efficiency Alliance - $20 million
Toledo-Lucas County Port Authority, Ohio - $15 million
Wisconsin Energy Conservation Corporation - $20 million

What the funk?

Without having done more in depth research, it is hard to say how authentic any of these "projects" are and how exactly these big ticket items are going to benefit us, the taxpayers who are coughing up the money to help fund it all to begin with. Perhaps if I could recoup all the dollars I was forced to cough up to help bail out Wall Street, I could afford to personally retrofit my humble but beautiful abode and wouldn't be such a whiner about it.
Good thing my five minutes are up.

Funk, out.

Monday = Funday: Get me the Funk out of here!

Good day, my good readers! I hope you had a very special weekend doing whatever it is that you kind and literate folks took time to do with yourself over the course of the last 52 hours. Most importantly, I hope that you had a lot of fun doing it!

Because I did NOT have as much fun as I had hoped I would this weekend, have decided to take today, Monday, and turn it into my own personal fun day, in hopes that this becomes a permanent change to published calendars everywhere. Think of how much better people might feel if instead of waking to an early Monday (which sounds a lot like the word mundane) alarm, arose thinking "Finally, Funday has arrived!" Elation would be so high that they probably wouldn't just think it, there would be singing and dancing involved also.

So if you were thinking of calling or e-mailing me today, I won't be in. I'll be out doing what I like to do best: Funking things up just enough to bring a little more joy into the world. I hope you have a chance to do the same, my thoughtful and literate friends. Especially my super cool 3 followers. I hope you, more than any others, funk it up hard today and you do it with conviction.

Until soon,

Funk out.

Fryday

If I were a Banshee, I would say in my most enthusiastic, high pitched voice possible "AIEEE-HA-HA-HA-AIEE-AY!" to help usher in the weekend and celebrate Fryday, one of my favorite days of the week. Many of you are accustomed to the incorrect spelling of the day's name and will insist that it is spelled 'Friday' but after considering the information I am about to share with you, my kind and literate friends, may wish to reconsider your position.

In the interest of time and since I am committed to do my part in accommodating the many among us that suffer from ADD and write for only 5 minutes each blog, will give you the concise historical version regarding the day's name. In ancient Germanic times, Frigg and Freyja, celebrity frau's and mothers of half the Germanic tribes at the time, cooked everything edible in a huge vat of sizzling hot swine lard each fifth day of a seven day cycle to celebrate the return of their brave hunters. Some preferred to call it Frigg's day to honor Frigg's innovative menus while others preferred Freyja's day to commemorate her ability to fry large quantities of food in the most efficient manner. After many years of divisive debate, a compromise between the two factions was reached and the day became known as Fryday.

We could get into the reason why the 'y' was replaced with an 'i' but my five minutes are up. So happy Fryday, my friends!

Until next time,

Funk out!

Taxing Taxes

If I were Irish, I would say "Top o the morning to ye because the rest of the day is mine!" But I will joyously share the next 5 minutes of this fine but taxing day, with you, my friendly reader, because you've taken the time to stop by and I sincerely appreciate that. I understand how valuable your time and tax dollars are, unlike some entities we all know and have probably come to hate. Yes, Internal Revenue Service, I am speaking about you.

I keep saying that I'm going to stop paying taxes and swear that one day, I will. I'm reserving that freedom for the day that I lease a Winnebago, pack up my minimalist belongings, and find me a nice little patch of land down by a river somewhere in the vast greatness that is America the beautiful, land of the freaks. But until then, I've decided to make the lackeys working at the IRS earn every dollar of the money they are taking from me this year by completing my tax returns using the metric system. I derive just the right amount of joy to alleviate the pain when visualizing the agent's WTF? face reviewing my return. That's right, you money grubbing minion, YOU do the math.

Until next time,

Funk out!

To blog or not to blog? That is the funking question.

Hello, and welcome to what I hope will be a daily source of entertainment for you, should you decide to read What the Funk? It is only the bazillion-and-two-hunderedth blog from which you can choose to participate in so my chances of getting readers is, well, pathetic.

My name is Theresa Mae Funk, and considering that my mother gave me permission to Funk, intend to do so. Hence, the creation of this Blog. I am committed to blogging daily, but only for five minutes at a time. The average person isn't able to fully focus on anything for more than three minutes at a time so I'm willing to go the extra two to try and share a bit of joy with the rest of you literate folks who are fortunate enough to live on my planet.
I hope you stop by again to see WTF I think is important enough to spend five minutes writing about.

Until then,

Funk out!